Halifax Retro

One thing that happens immediately after traveling is this uneasy state that you exist within that haunts you every single time you are alone, for a while anyway. I want to blame it on the fact that I was with my boyfriend almost every single second so I didn’t have a lot of time to digest everything I was experiencing, which may partially be true. However, being a nomad for three months, with little more than a small notepad to jot down my daily activities, left me with an oversized, complex, and hypothetical suitcase filled with questions, dreams, enlightened perspectives, and new ideas that I sometimes wish the airport would have confiscated (along with that unopened bottle of Rum we purchased at the Paris duty-free shop) once I boarded the return plane to Canada. I thought after traveling I’d be more excited than ever to continue with my future goals in life, and to move onto the next thing. Even though this is extremely true for the most part, it is accompanied with a lot of questions, doubts, and even a little fear about my personal ideals, and especially the way I perceive the world.

As we stepped off the plane in Halifax, it felt as though I was plunked back into a desktop fish bowl after swimming in the Atlantic Ocean – sure it was completely different, infinite, and even scary at times, but all of those things changed how I perceived my surroundings, regardless of where I was. I always thought when people spoke of the “travel bug” they meant the desire to experience new things – to simply love traveling itself. But as the gap between me and Europe grows, I really think the main symptom of the travel bug is the refusal to accept one way of living your life – it’s terrifying to stand still, let alone standing still for an unforeseen time period.

When you’re traveling, everything changes everyday. You are constantly in a new place, meeting new people, confronting new situations and challenges, eating new food, even the fact that you sometimes have to throw out one t-shirt to make room for a new one signifies movement. Everything changes. And honestly, I think the main reason that traveling brings more comfort than inconvenience is because you really feel that every day is truly a fresh day to start over. It feels like you are in a constant search for yourself which secretly you don’t want to find because you learn so much along the way. Standing still means accepting and dealing with your life, even if your life is already great. I know that sounds funny, and even though it sounds a little sad too, I’m grateful to know the deviation.

I’ve tried to reconcile the two extreme lifestyles that I’ve lived in the past 6 months. Right before we left we gave up our apartment so we are now living in a month to month apartment until we find something more permanent. We are also both in a transitional career state, debating on what our next moves should be. In many ways, the unsettledness of our situation creates a lot of frustration and stress, but when I think about the alternative of coming home to the same old apartment, with no career opportunities available, our situation is a lot more manageable to deal with. It feels like no matter what happens from here, it will be different than before we left, which means it really is like turning over a new leaf. After traveling it’s always nice to come home to your own bed, but at the age we are at and the stage we are in - ready to truly focus on accomplishing our goals – it will be nice for our “real” lives” to change as well. It’s like the first day of school, you open up your scribbler and there’s a nice new page to write on, without any pencil indents from the page before.

My frame of mind is currently focusing on working my way up in my current company so that my interests are more aligned with what I do everyday. The company I work for has been very supportive of this, and for that I am extremely thankful. In the daily journal I kept while in Europe, I had a few pages in the back that were dedicated to things I want to accomplish now that I’m back in more constant surroundings. There are so many projects I want to complete, which I will be posting along the way. Some of which include silly things that I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do, such as make my own dress, make my own wine, start a greenhouse in my house, and to continue on with our Retro project. Actively growing my career combined with these things are keeping me grounded, and busy.

I guess my reason for venting out this article was more of a therapy thing for me than anything else, and to maybe offer some perspective to someone who is about to set out on a traveling adventure, and hesitates at the thought of coming back to the real world. I can remember every single scene, every smell, every feeling of the trip, and I savor it like nothing else I’ve yet to care about, because it truly was once in a lifetime (something you don’t fully understand until it’s over, period). I’m thankful I got to share it with someone who is also a once in a lifetime, which makes it seem like a perfect frozen moment in time – everything is intact and preserved forever. But no matter how much fun you have, how much you do, how much you see, and how little you sleep, you’ll wish you did more. I do think, however, that it’s important to give yourself time afterwards, and to understand how lucky you are to have experienced something that DID change your life so much, and to look forward to all of the new things that lay ahead of you. Because if there’s something you realize when you travel, it’s that the world is filled with possibilities for you, and that no matter what state you’re in, things can change - you appreciate what you have, and reach for more.

Tags: Camping, Europe Preparation, Eurotrip 2009, farming, jackie howatt, living in the woods, wwoof